Only Our Lord Had Table Manners

So you think folks just started shaking tables in this era of accolades. Hell no!!! Folks have been shaking tables since Bible days. History would call this one “The Last Supper”, the apostle’s last meal with their beloved Mentor. But supper they did not eat, it is table they were shaking kura. Guess who was […]

Once Upon a Child XI

I made a curious observation at a-year-old birthday party quite recently. Babies born in this era of accolades don’t cry during their one year birthdays as much as we did during our era. Why? I asked. The answer is simple; they are selfie natives. Every day is a holiday, an excuse to be vain and […]

The Adulterous Woman and her Avenger

This is one of my favourite stories in the Bible. Why? Well, I’ve always wanted to lead a revolution even as a child, the type that tips the scale of Justice in favour of the oppressed. It reveals the human society in its truest form. If you’ve ever been judged, look closely, you might just […]

Paradise was a Lie

Childhood was paradise; pretty, proud and free. We floated through life and drank our fill of heaven’s best. We seized the hands of time and dragged him along for a lazy stroll. We will live forever. Our happiness sealed with God’s own hands; we were sure of that. But paradise was a lie. Time slid […]

Daniel of Babylon: A Fit Fam Story

When they dinnor swear for the new king, osiso, King Dairus made Daniel one of his personal persons. And when he saw that Daniel did not come to count bridge in Babylon, he made him his right hand man. He seeks Daniel’s opinion on every subject – stock exchange, real estate, labour law, migration policy. Other times, all they talk about is waist pain and dandruff, because they are buddies like that.

Daniel did not waste time to fit into his new circle. He bought a few suits, learned a few tricks and soon he was the “Wolf of Wall Street.” Daniel was the biggest deal in town. On Instagram alone, he’d gained 5 million followers in three months from Judea, Asia, Africa and the utmost parts of the world. But you see, bad belle people are everywhere; and Daniel will kuku not lick someone’s ass so his breath doesn’t smell of shit. Aseyin wa, aseyin bo, dasow bad belle fell into his own shalanga o.

Once upon a Child X

Wednesday and I were never friends, and I had my reasons. From kindergarten to secondary school, the only time I had proper secular education was when I went to Unilag. Mrs Peters, the proprietress of Philomena Nursery and Primary School was a devout Apostolic Faith woman. So every Wednesday like this, we all sat in […]

Once upon a Child IX

This time years back, my mum would take my sisters and I to Eko market and buy us “ready-made” a.k.a imported dresses, knee-length white socks, konkon shoe and other paraphernalia of Yuletide. We’d elbow our way through the pressing crowd, momentarily getting missing, as my mum tore through the crowd, screaming “omo mi omo mi” […]

Beauty Misunderstood

I grew up thinking the creation story is the scariest story ever told. Nothing beats the horror of imagining the tangible emptiness, gross “darkness” and formlessness, as “the Spirit of the Lord hovered over the face of the deep” had an eerie effect to it. At least my Sunday school teachers did a great job […]

The Lie Called Living

Many people don’t grow up. Most people age. They find parking spaces, honour credit cards, get married and have children, and call that maturity. What that is, is aging… Maya Angelou. Maya is one author I know that communicates common sense with such philosophical depth and clarity. And as with everything she says, these quote […]