Only Our Lord Had Table Manners

So you think folks just started shaking tables in this era of accolades. Hell no!!! Folks have been shaking tables since Bible days. History would call this one “The Last Supper”, the apostle’s last meal with their beloved Mentor. But supper they did not eat, it is table they were shaking kura. Guess who was on the table they were shaking?

Is Broda mi Judas is Cucumber of course.

Martha had seen to it that Son of Man had a befitting meal. Martha Martha, book she dinnor know, but when it comes to ona ofun, holler at your girl. You can call her an owambe-enthusiast. The day you see her at home on a weekend, just know she is dead, or worse no get the aso ebi.

Since that was his last supper, Son of Man didn’t mind Martha’s fuss. With live feeds on Instagram, hashtags and mentions of all culinary outfits on IG, she was sure to trend. For once, Son of Man didn’t chide her.

Table was set, 17:59, the boys dem met to break bread. But instead of getting right to it, they thought it would be nice to do status report, and the conversation below ensued:

Simon to John the Beloved, Peter and Jude II:

Simon: Abeg who collect offering last night?

John: Who else if not Cucumber. You no hear im perfume.

Peter: Etteh don chop last night offering. I no know why Son of Man no allow me treat im fuck up last week.
Jude: See im shoe sef. Shebi na we come count bridge for Galilee nah.

Phillip to Matthew and Barthemeus: Dude check in for Rhapsody last night fa. TGIF tinz. Verily verily I say unto you, na there e from come…

Luke: Account officer say Judas wan comot money for Passover o. You follow?
Thomas: He what? Nah, e no fit.
Tokunbo: Lookatew, you no see wen Fejiro comot for im chamber last night? Guy, I hear say the girl dey give beta head o. Hehehehehehehehe
Peter: Baba, make I tell Rabbi?
Tokunbo: Tahhhhh, Bros J just dey observe nah.

James and Jesujoba (sons of Zebudiah): Rabbi, we didn’t want it to look beni kpe we’re spoiling him that time ni o. But Judas use to be agbero for area nah.
Jesujoba: Verily verily I say unto you, Rabbi, this nigger no pure.
Peter: Lemme epp you comot his eye, master, jest one kpere.

Son of Man: Mbok, our food is on this table you people are shaking o. Literally…

Announcer: To say dey face their food, dey for see when Judas receive alert; odindin 29 silvers of shekel, abi shekels of silver (sha one shekesheke dey inside), take fresh up. Only our Lord had table manners. They talked too much, they are the traitors.

🎼🎼🎼 Enu shey mehhnnn, ariwo ko ni soft work🎼🎼🎼

Post Author: Arinola Ogunniyi

I tell simple everyday stories we take for granted in ways you wouldn't have imagined them. From dated stories, myths, reviews, "street-lores" to topical issues, these mind bending series will leave you begging for more. And if you trip over my sentence structures, it's part of the experience. You can call me the Last Story Bender. I mastered the rules of language to break them.

2 thoughts on “Only Our Lord Had Table Manners

    Jésùjoba Pópóolá

    (March 10, 2019 - 2:46 pm)

    E gbami ke! Wait, shey my father name aff turn to Zebedee ni?

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