Once upon a Child X

Wednesday and I were never friends, and I had my reasons. From kindergarten to secondary school, the only time I had proper secular education was when I went to Unilag. Mrs Peters, the proprietress of Philomena Nursery and Primary School was a devout Apostolic Faith woman. So every Wednesday like this, we all sat in the burning sun, and be hearing the werd of God. They never born the teacher that will use umblerra…

Her face glistened in the sun as she taught us the birth, miracles, parables, trial and the death of Christ; Steven, The martyr; Paul’s conversion, Joseph and his coat of many colours etc. But of all her stories, the one that haunted me the most was how the rich man begged Lazarus to dip his finger in water to cool his tongue. She was a good story teller and with apt theatrics, a sea of hypnotized faces stirred at her star-struck. The horror! The horror!! Me that I can drink up the Atlantic.

Mind you, we used to carry out our lockers and seats for the study, so you can imagine the chaos when we wanna settle back in for test. And yes, we wrote tests every Wednesday immediately after Bible Study and the hot sun. By the time I got home arrand 4pm we should be getting ready for “Oh my Life”.

“Oh my Life Centre” was ashually called “Home and Life Centre”, a.k.a “Life Centre” a.k.a “House Fellowship”. Bert it made no difference to us because all we could think of – while adults were praying and sharing the werd as we looked on in confusion – was “oh my life” literally. Mind you, our secular friends were screaming their heads off and playing ten-ten. Usually, that’s the day we chose to die, ‘mummy, inu nro mi, head ache, eyes pain, malaria, appandixaitiz’ and so on; to which she always responded, ‘very good, oya come and go and receive your healing’. What a charmer! And if she gets there before you “kperen, ‘o rogo’.

So, I kuku ma dye when they brought ‘Oh my Life’ to our house. You do mistake like this and be throwing tantrums and Broda Kaka say “keep chut, keep chut”, and my mummy is trying to make eye contact with you but you are avoiding her eyes because you know what awaits you. The kain slap you will collet, they will be hearing it from Shout Africa… So from Bible class, to tests to “Oh my life”, I have good reasons to hate Wednesday.

Post Author: Arinola Ogunniyi

I tell simple everyday stories we take for granted in ways you wouldn't have imagined them. From dated stories, myths, reviews, "street-lores" to topical issues, these mind bending series will leave you begging for more. And if you trip over my sentence structures, it's part of the experience. You can call me the Last Story Bender. I mastered the rules of language to break them.

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